If you are in conflict with someone and you don’t know how to deal with it, some of these tips may be helpful.
Discuss the issue
If there is no threat of physical violence, talking it out is the best solution. Face-to-face contact is better than letters and messages - and a good deal better than banging on walls, throwing things, or complaining about it to everyone else.
Before talking with the other person, think about what you want to say. It’s important to state clearly what the problem is and how you feel about it.
Choose an appropriate time
Choose a good time to approach the other person so that neither of you is rushed. Don’t start when the other person is on the way to work, or you’ve had a terrible day, or you’re just about to cook dinner. That will only add to the frustration. Find a place where you can both sit comfortably and quietly for a while. Explain that the conflict has been worrying you and you’d like to sort it out.
Give the other person a chance to explain
Don’t blame the other person for everything or begin with your opinion of what should be done. Avoid name-calling - it only makes it harder for the person to hear what you are saying.
Don’t be tempted to interpret the other person’s behaviour. Don’t say ‘You’re blocking my driveway on purpose, just to make me angry’. Instead, say ‘When your car blocks my driveway I get angry because it is difficult to get in or out’.
Give the person a chance to tell you their other side of the story. Be prepared to relax, listen and take everything in.
Listen to the other person
Let the person know you are listening. You may not agree, but there’s nothing more frustrating than trying to talk to someone who doesn’t appear to be listening. Say that you’re glad you’re talking about the problem. This helps to ease the tension and is a great help in moving things towards an agreement.
Resolving the conflict
Work together to find a solution
When you’ve reached this point, try working on the dispute cooperatively. Work out what you both have to do to resolve the problem. Two or more people working on a problem together can get further than one person telling the other to change.
Since you’re taking the time to work on a problem, take the time to get it right. Get the whole problem out in the open. Don’t leave out the part that seems less important or is the hardest to talk about. Those are the things that will ruin the solution you come up with.
Meet again in the future
Agree to check with each other at a specific time in the future to see how things are going - and don’t forget to do it.
Mediation help
If things have gone too far for you to handle the conflict yourself, there is help at hand.
Our dispute resolution centres provide a free, confidential and impartial mediation service throughout Queensland. Trained mediators are available to guide discussion and help you reach a solution.
